Iljes Tosenso

Japanese dating and marriage might appear obnoxious to a Western young adult. Dating and marriage practices in Japan are way too different from the liberated strategies of most American gents and ladies. Well, Japan is in Asia and the traditions of the families are a half a world apart. If in any case your blood relation is attracted to a Japanese lady, consider first how dating and marriage happens in her community.

Japanese dating and marriage are utterly a product of discipline. It is sometimes told that Japan is run by thinking robots and this is somewhat true in a sense. They can be tagged as robots because they ritually follow the norms and “correct” practices of the society. Unlike Americans who can freely do and say what they feel, Japanese are bound to be acting like professionals, holding back the things they think might destruct the normal way of living.

For example in a date, a Japanese woman will never confront a man in public displaying anger and other disruptive emotions. She will be patient until they are alone. This is the only time that she will say what she feels. If she did confront a man in public, she will be considered undisciplined by the people around and by herself. The society’s order must not be disturbed by one girl complaining to her date. This is the way it goes in Japan.

Coming to a date on time is one practice that you must not take for granted. In Japan, it’s really bad taste to let your date wait for you. The Japanese have always lived up to the adage that time is gold and have been proud of being time conscious. Tell a Japanese girl the time and date you want to meet her and she’ll be there right on the dot.

Dating a woman in her late 20s is an act of desperate move to get married. In Japan, a woman who is 30 and still unmarried is no longer a good candidate for marriage. It is best to look for Japanese women between 28 and 29 years old because you will find many willing brides.

It is a common belief that Japanese women are frail and must only do light work. Japanese women get tied to the notion that a woman must stay home to take care of the kids and the house. The men, otherwise, are supposed to work 60 hours a week to sustain their family.

Knowing these things, one might ask if there are women in Japan who dream of being the boss. Well, not very likely, not even in this age of technology. The Japanese women never want to appear in command of their men. It is a greatly respected fact that the man decides for the group or for the family. This might sound unfair to the contemporary woman who thinks that what a man can do, a woman can do as well, if not better.

If you are a foreigner considering a Japanese girl to marry, ask yourself if you are ready to commit to the lady who treats you as her lord. She may be submissive but she can be loving, frail but strong for her family. This sounds like a harmonious relationship where one is deciding for the family and the other supporting the decision.

Japan may have dramatically opened its doors for globalization but not wholly. Many women still keep the dating traditions of old, and they are bound to pass this tradition even with the constraining effects from the influence of media. But who can tell, Japanese dating and marriage might change later after all.

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In the light of globalization, cross-cultural marriages are becoming a norm nowadays. In an Asian country, younger girls would envy their peers who married a westerner, while the older generation would scorn at the entire idea as it fundamentally indicates that one is ashamed of his/her own race.

Marrying someone of a difference culture certainly has its challenges. Let’s start with the dating stage. Whilst Asians still try to hold on the chastity concept, the westerners on the facade appears to be but co-habitation prior to marriage is not uncommon. Be prepared for such request which you will agree but your elders will gossip behind you. In short, when dating a foreigner, be prepared for unwanted gossips.

Then the wedding stage comes along. A western and an Asian concept of ‘wedding’ is world apart! Legally, Asians get registered and take one year to plan that big wedding which lead to the confusion – when is your wedding date? The day you get registered or the day you hold the big ceremony? In the western culture, the wedding day is the day the priest/pastor signs your wedding certificate. From a monetary perspective, the bride actually pays for the wedding which is opposite from the Asian culture. As for the big ceremony day, a guest of 100 people is considered a lavish extravagant wedding in the western culture but in the Asian culture, 100 people are considered a small scale wedding. A simple bridal dress is all needed for a western wedding with bridal photos taken on the day of the wedding. The Asian culture with the numerous wedding dresses and evening gowns, pre-wedding studio shots is all strange to a westerner. Of late, especially in Singapore and Malaysia, there are even pre-wedding photos and wedding photos! In summary, a wedding celebration in the western culture is a celebration of moment whilst in the Asian culture; it is an announcement to the world.

From a cultural point, there are definitely differences which both party need to adapt to. For instance if the couple moved to live in a western country, the Asian partner would need to adapt to the western lifestyle in terms of food, lifestyle, expectations vice versa if the couple chose to live in an Asian country.

Needless to say, childbirth and upbringing of a child is different culturally. Asians put a lot of emphasis in confinement and dos and don’t s after childbirth but no such practice in the western culture. Asians tend to be protective over their little one and bed sharing is not uncommon but the western practice is to let the baby be independent from day one.

There is no culture that is better than the other. The merge of both culture has its benefits. For one, Asians lack affection and praise. We could do more with praising each other and be more affectionate in our daily contact with our loved ones. The western culture could also emulate the Asians in terms discipline and filial piety. I am not encouraging all young girls out there to marry a foreigner because it is definitely a challenge and it is not a bed of roses as one might think. If it is your fate to marry one, then take the challenge but if it is not your fate, please do not go searching for one.